An abuser’s goal is to control you!
Isolation from others, withdrawal from family and friends, avoid the public
- Spending more and more time at work, not wanting to come home
- Low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness
- Depression, thoughts of suicide
- Emotional problems, shame, emotional highs and lows, emotional numbness
- Illness - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
- Increased alcohol or drug use, addictions
- Withdrawal from real life into an alternative reality - perhaps the Internet
Abusers use these to manipulate you:
* Dominance - may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his/her possession
* Humiliation - does whatever it takes to make you feel bad about yourself or defective
* Isolation - will cut you off from the outside world, may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone
* Threats - may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets
* Intimidation - may use tactics (making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things, destroying property, hurting pets, or weapons on display)
* Denial and blame - may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred (shift the responsibility on you, as to say its your fault for the abuse)
Female, 29
"I often wonder why my life constantly falls out of whack every time I try to build it up. Constantly dealing with feelings of low self-worth and wondering if people really love me. It seems as if all people want from me is sex. As a child up to adulthood, I have always had to be faced with family and friends who wanted sex from me. They didn't care how they could get it, whether by force or manipulation. It has haunted me in my adulthood, with fear of being in a healthy relationship. In my mind, all people want from me is sex. I ended up using manipulation to get what I wanted out of people. I felt that if people can manipulate me into getting what they really wanted, why can't I do the same. After a while, I couldn't continue because I still felt less of myself and wanted to be loved for real. This present day I battle in my mind of different encounters that was forced on me, which causes anger to rise. I never once asked to be raped, treated like a prostitute, treated like I was nothing and dumb, etc. All I wanted was to be loved. How is it that the persons that suppose to be there to protect you are the very ones that caused the abuse? Unanswered questions, thoughts, concerns. Still searching for my identity because what I was made to be isn't the real me. I WANT OUT OF THIS PLACE...I WANT A BETTER LIFE...I WANT REAL LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
BREAKING THE CYCLE
* Deal with past abuse by talking and acknowledging what happen. This helps you heal and break the cycle.
* Pushing memories of abuse away often backfires, which can cause you to repeat patterns in an unconscious state of mind.
* Recognize that some victims of abuse don't abuse their children; however, they turn the anger inwardly and suffer from depression.
* Make an appointment for therapy or attend a support group.
* Realize that abusers are at fault, not the person who was abused.
* Note problems within relationships.
Abuse does not mean physical or sexual. There are many forms of abuse: mental, psychological, and financial.
Forgiving yourself can be much harder than forgiving another person. Forgiving yourself is an important act of moving forward and releasing yourself from the past. You can't patch up your heart forever, you have to deal with it. Accept your emotions, instead of trying to avoid facing them. Don't hide your feelings. Welcome imperfection. (Perfectionism can cause you to hold too high a standard for your own behavior) Let go of other people's expectations for you. Stop listening to the nags in your life. (For every person who has been hard on you, remember that someone was hard on them) Stop punishing yourself. (It's perfectly fine to say: "I am not proud of what I've done or how I've devalued myself but I'm moving on for the sake of my health, my well-being, and those around me) Practice self-acceptance. You don't need forgiveness for being you. Love yourself and give yourself permission to heal. Think about what will improve in your life if you can release yourself and how to bring this into fruition. (Meditation, Affirm Self-Worth, Keep a Diary, Seek Therapy, Draw Spiritual Faith & Teachings) See forgiveness as a journey. Be grateful for what you do have. Look for the good in your life. Stay away from people who have a tendency to sabotage efforts at self-improvement. Don't force yourself to hang around people who bring back the past for you in a negative way. Avoid talking about your wrongdoings and how bad a person you are around other people.
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ladyLllc twitter: https://twitter.com/LadyLLLC
email: ladyl.llc@gmail.com
